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Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
1:45 pm - SAN FRANCISCO ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna be an actor when I grow up! I'm going to San Francisco this summer to train at teh American Conservatory Theatre. Isn't that exciting?! It's like a way intensive training program too. It'll e the first time in my life that I will be focused SOLELY on Acting. I am soooooooooo excited. I can't stop telling people how great this is! I mean I just got accepted into a pretty DAMN selective program! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Okay, that's all for now.

current mood: bouncy

(Are you supa fly? )

Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
10:17 pm - Blargh!
So, my J Board hearing is this Thursday, 15 minutes before curtain. I called the AD and asked if I could schedule a time to read the report before I make any rash decisions. I also explained why I could not be there Thursday. I hate my life. I want to die, or transfer, or kill someone or something. Or just puke my guts out. Perhaps bulemia is the answer? Maybe just temporarily.

current mood: nauseated

(1 Merh | Are you supa fly? )

11:40 am - Life Sucks!
Well it has it's ups and downs anyways. And I've been going through a bunch of downs azs of late. I have not been satisfied with a single performance of "Dancing at Lughnasa"; I just can't play "simple" people and not come across as a child! To make matters worse, I will forever associate this show with getting written up at the cast party and then kicked out. No cast party for me! Someone may throw another one but unless it's at the Delta house I'm not going; I'm too paranoid. This ruins all future prospects for when I actually get around tohosting parties. No under twenty oners except my boyfriend! (and me of course) And only cast members if it's big cast; they can bring significant others if it's a smaller cast. Anyway, I am still awaiting my call to J Board; I'm pissed off and freaking out. I'm getting less and less nauseous though each time the topic comes up. I guess one write up isn't so bad, as long as make frikkin sure it doesn't happen again; but that won't be easy with cops popping out of bushes around here. Fucking police state.

Finally got my Russian paper in after class yesterday; took several trips between here and the lab to print it; it sucked. No rehearsal last night though. Tonight I register at 6. How very exciting. I'm pretty much garaunteed all my classes. So in other news....My Mommy's coming to see me! She and Monkey Boy fly up tomorrow, and they're going to see the show Friday, and then take me up to a resort on Saturday; I'm excited. I'll actually get a break! Seeing as I didn't even get a SPRING BREAK b/c of Choir Tour, I think I definitely deserve this. I feel like crying. I don't know why. I've had many an emotional break down, in public no less, over the past week or so. Damn hormones...stress....I really don't know which it is. Hmm.....

current mood: hungry

(Are you supa fly? )

Sunday, April 6th, 2003
10:32 pm - It's been a long time......
...since I last posted. I'm procrastinating right now. I need to catch up on Russian reading, and write an acceptance essay for a summer program, but I just don't feel like it. I've been in tech rehearsal all day, except for that brief nap and dinner period I got. I got to play with Amy's kitty, too. It's the cutest thing ever. I just might go over there more often, if for nothing else than a cat fix.

I looked like my boyfriend had been beating me after the run through tonight. It was the first time we used the blackberries and I had a bruise-resemling stain by my mouth. I am glad it washed off. I didn't want to have to deal with people thinking my boyfriend was beating me, although it might have been good promotion for the play when I explained the reason for the "bruise".

I get to sleep in my own bed tonight! Yay! (random happy dance.)

Okay, my mask is dry so I'm gonna go now.

current mood: discontent

(Are you supa fly? )

Friday, February 28th, 2003
3:54 pm - Glorious Friday!
I have had a bad week, if for no other reason than the fact that I've had to catch up in my homework and have had no time to do it in. But I really don't feel like harping on my problems, although I really could use a backrub. Anywho, IT'S FRIIIIIDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
I'm psyched, can you tell? Even though I will be doing more homework this weekend, I'm so glad I don't have anything ELSE to worry about. All I know is I plan on getting trashed tomorrow night! I am a college student after all.

current mood: relieved

(Are you supa fly? )

Sunday, February 23rd, 2003
5:02 pm

Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Generally Liberal
How Republican Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

(Are you supa fly? )

Tuesday, February 11th, 2003
7:05 pm
You're Sensitive and you'd like to stay that way..
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Are you supa fly? )

Sunday, February 9th, 2003
11:35 pm - Trapped
My jaw is a steel trap. I don't think I've truly unclenched my jaw all day. It started yesterday; needless today this has been a stressful weekend. With my tournament competition going sour (I went 4 5 5 in poetry- Fuckers! My poetry kicks ass) and Irene Ryans(I still don't have rights to my pieces) AND summer stock(Headshot appointment tomorrow that I don't even know I will be ale to get to, not to mention it will cost me an arm and a leg, and the way things are sounding it sounds like the photographer i've een referred to isn't actually a headshot photographer) approachin, not to mention classes starting TOMORROW (and I have no books) I'm just a wee bit stressed. My room is a mess, all due to my attempts in cleaning it over break- go figure. The knots in my upper back are so tight, I can feel my shoulders crawling into my neck. This is not a good thing. Plus I feel like I'm gaining weight. I don't know why but I just look like I am. It's crazy. On top of all this, as usual, when I really actually need Cole (not just me being whiny and demanding here, but actually needing him) he brushes me off and totally ignores me. Such is the way of things I guess.

current mood: stressed

(Are you supa fly? )

Thursday, February 6th, 2003
12:56 pm - Ten Years Later
I didn't even realise until just now that today is February 6th. Feruary 6th is one of the most ill-placed days. This is the first year I've been left alone on this day. So what do I do? Continue to make myself as busy as possible because I have way too much shit to get done. Just like every other year on February 6th. I should be more shaken up I guess, but my grieving is done with, right? Now it just comes to the realisation that I have spent half my life without my father, and that after this day, the time I spent with him will become proportionally smaller and smaller compared to the rest of my life. It was so depressing last night when I was watching that History channel program last night, when they started talking about the practice of cremating. They showed a crematory and even the process of cremating. I hate death, I hate dying, and I hate reminders that it is always present. I was just thinking, omigod that's what they did to my Dad. That's what Mom wants done to her when she dies. I can't handle the thought of cremation. I'm very attached to the material life of the living. Even when I had some religious faith, I always thought to myself that no matter how wonderful Heaven may be, I would rather be reincarnated and do all this oevr again. I kind of miss losing baby teeth; that was one of my favorite things for years. And despite the fact that I can't stand how ignorant most of the population is, and how I can be kind of a loner at times, I like people. I like being with people and hearing people, and talking to people, and being able to touch people. You know, it never occurred to me until I saw this vh1 show about Creed- Behind the Music I think it was, when Scott Stapp said it's not normal for 9 year olds to think about death, dying and the afterlife. That blew my mind! I thought, "No way, everyone thinks aout those things even as kids, right?" In interrogating others, i've found that to not be true. I mean, I was having panic attacks when I was 6 years old because I knew that if Daddy could die, so could I. I mean, I would find myself asking myself questions like "Who created God?" and "How long is forever?" Something about spending all eternity in Paradise is somewhat unsettling to me; maybe because it's such an abstract concept I cannot be sure it is true, or maybe ecause I knew that I wouldn't end up in Paradise, but in Hell, like almost all preachers' daughters. My way of thinking has never conformed to religion, not since Junior High anyway. Christianity in particular, especially in my religion is still so sexist. Most of you know my stand on gender bias- it is the root of all evil; religion is a minion of gender bias.

But that's eside the point. Julie's fish just nearly killed itself choking on a piece of gravel. You'd think he'd learn, but he just goes for the gravel again.

I really don't have time to think about all this. I have things to do. Kudos to you if you read this whole entry.

current mood: numb

(2 Merhs | Are you supa fly? )

Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
9:38 pm
*berserker*


a warrior and pure fighting machine

reckless; sturdy; energetic
[Final Fantasy Tactics Job Class]

(Are you supa fly? )

7:14 pm - Merh...Merh?
I feel like I did way back when again (hehe I rhymed). I've spent thet last day and a half or so doing a bit of Spring Cleaning. My room is nowhere near where I want it to be and it probably won't be because I am leaving Friday, and I want to wait until we've vacuumed before I rearrange the furniture. But when I was walking home from Bi-Mart this evening I got the strangest feeling. Actually it was quite a familiar feeling. Like how I used to feel at home all the time when I was left alone to my thoughts too often. No deep-thinking going on this time though; just planning.

current mood: content

(Are you supa fly? )

Sunday, February 2nd, 2003
10:47 pm - Okay.....
So, call me heartless, but I'm honestly not effected by this space shuttle incident. I am sorry for their families, friends, and of course for the fact that they dies in such a terrible way, but I honestly feel like all this mourning all the nation is going through, India and Israel included, is more a matter of pride than anything else. For Israel and India, these were some of their only representatives in NASA. For America, I think a majority of people feel more like first 9/11, now this. America is a very proud nation, and it scares us when something happens that threatens that pride. The way I look at it; this accident was not like the Challenger in taht these astronauts ACTUALLY got to go out into outerspace. The Challenger never made it outside Earth's atmosphere. Also, these astronauts knew the risks of their chosen occupation. Furthermore, although this is a tragedy, it PALES in comparison to the thousands of deaths that occured on September 11th. Those were people either traveling or going to work who were not aware of the outcome of those actions, the outcome of simply being Americans.

current mood: okay

(1 Merh | Are you supa fly? )

10:29 pm - Important information you NEED to know.
When you leave your contacts in a case over night without contact solution, the shrink; and then when you use solution onthem they crinkle. So don't try it.

current mood: lethargic

(Are you supa fly? )

Friday, January 31st, 2003
12:14 am
Have ever gotten sick of how friends just seem to come and go. It is like, once you have filled your purpose, they don't need you anymore. Your friendship becomes one based solely on having fun. Not to undermine having fun, but...I should have seen this coming. Katherine warned me last year that some of my friends area blast to hang out with but when you get right down to it; there isn't much there. Last semester I would have thought differently, but I was single then. I needed them more. And I still need them, or thought I did, but when one of your best friend's boyfriends calls you a sadistic bitch...it kind of puts things in perspective. They come first; just like Cole comes first for me; but more than that they come first for each other. As long as those three are together, no ill can be done, and no one is hurt, right? Everything they could possibly need is at their fingertips; and they don't need me.

current mood: depressed

(1 Merh | Are you supa fly? )

Thursday, January 30th, 2003
9:51 pm
I'm an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, tight as fuck, relatively well adjusted human being!
What are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

(Are you supa fly? )

12:57 am - Whine, Whine, Whine
My contacts are drying out, my oyfriend abandoned me ALL evening, and my previously cheery disposition has transformed into one of my bitchy "me me me" moods. Grr.

current mood: moody

(Are you supa fly? )

Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
10:51 pm - Yay!
ACTF is coming up, and you know what that means, don't you? STRESS!!! Right now though I am not stressed. Right now I am more focused on the fun I will have. Irene Ryans should be really awesome, even though I will most likely not make it any further than Quarterfinals, if that. Then there are summer stock auditions at the end. Summer Stock and Irene Ryans are the bits that worry me the most. The stuff in the middle is fun. I plan on auditioning for the 10-minute Play Festival. Since I am taking playwriting, I am considering entering a play of my own for next year's festival, but I have a feeling that it is past the deadline for me to enter a play this year (Seeing as the festival is in 2 1/2 weeks. But I do want to audition- that means I have to tell a joke. Anyone know any good, non-racist, preferably not dirty jokes I could use for the audition? I only know one joke, and yep, it's a dirty one. Anywho, I'm so excited! I can't wait to go to all of the workshops and everything. I can't wait to have an audience again, and be onstage. Intermediate Acting will be so much fun. Plus there's "Dancing at the Lughnasa." That reminds me; I need to work on my Northern Irish dialect- but no worries! I feel pretty tonight and that's all that matters!

current mood: energetic

(Are you supa fly? )

5:22 pm - Addictions
I am a person who ecomes too easily addicted to things. Just the mere mention of another person's addiction can set me off on one (hence the onset of my periodical snickers addiction last spring.) Last fall I was addicted to parties for awhile; I was even addicted to my boyfriend for awhile.

My newest addiction? Fishsitting. I volunteered to fishsit for these girls over Jan Term, right? Well tehse girls did NOT take care of their fish very well. The water was disgusting and it smelled like ass. I got a new filter for them, vacuumed their gravel and have ecome very attached to these guys over the last few weeks. I will be sad when they go. I've been planning on getting fish of my own once I give these fish back to their owners. I think I want mollies. I used to have mollies when I was little. And now taht I have gotte over the paraoia of fishsitting ( I was always afraid the fish would die), I think I am ready to handle my own.

You would think that getting my own fish would be enough, right? No, my friends. Since my winter break plans fell through, I have volunteered to fishsit not for one person but two. This will add 3 fish and 2 frogs to the equation, plus my own fish. I'm running out of room already! Luckily, a friend of mine who is also staying here for break lives in the same dorm as one of my fishsitting "clients". Katherine abhors fish, and has the same paranoia about caring for them that I used to have, ut she is permitting me to use her room so long as I take care of the fish. If I end up not having enough room for my fish and the other "client's" fish, I will probably keep the "client's" fish in my Cole's room, since Rob's desk has been completely empty.

You guys, I am addicted to fishsitting. I can't get enough of it. I am deeply saddened by the fact that I will be on Choir Tour over Spring Break, well, for many reasons, but one of which is that I cannot fishsit then. I can't wait until I live in an apartment, I could fishsit for so many people then. I think I'm becoming a bit obsessed with this. It's like I'm on some kind of fishy high. Oh well; I'm happy for now.

current mood: rushed

(Are you supa fly? )

Monday, January 27th, 2003
11:44 pm - I'm going quiz crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You%20are%20Russian
What's your Inner European?

brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: crazy

(1 Merh | Are you supa fly? )

11:01 pm
I Am

Which tarot card are you?

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